And then there was two (or four)...

A bit of experimental photography at a night session in the snow park here at Afriski. 

Wow, I am really a very bad example of self-discipline. It's funny, when I am enjoying myself it is more difficult to write than when I am unhappy. I wonder why...

As Mia commented on the mother/child relationship, not every mother looks after her child and not every child looks after his parents when they are old and unable to fend for themselves. That is very true. We live in a broken world where relationships are far from perfect. That is why I am writing though, to try and figure out how relationships should be. I think I have said this before, even when your mom doesn't look after you and you despise her, you still live in relation to her. A great deal of what you are comes from the way your mother treated you. You will always live in light of the fact that your mother was not there for you, whether you do better by your children or do the same.

More on mothers later. Let's see what happened when you got a sibling. Out of a selfish point of view, you lose some of the attention that you received on a daily basis. At first your mom only had to take care of your needs, but now you have a brother/sister so it is just logical that she will divide her attention between the two of you. At first she will most probably give more attention to the newcomer, seeing as he/she can't do anything for themselves. It is natural that you will become jealous of your sibling at this stage. Hopefully, as your sibling grows older, your mother will give both of you the same amount of attention. That attention might differ though, seeing as you and your sibling will have different needs. This might also lead to jealousy on both parts, one sibling might think that the mother is putting the other siblings needs ahead of his/her own needs. Once again, hopefully this will work itself out. Relationships based on jealousy is never a good idea. It tends to turn messy and hurtful.
In all of this we have only looked at the fluctuations in your relationship with your mother. But there is also a new development here. Your relationship with your sibling. If you are the older one, you might have a kind of protective attitude towards the younger one. The younger one might have a sort of respect/adoration for the older one. Or at least, that is how it was in my case. I have 3 older siblings and for all of them I have the deepest respect and love. In each of them I see characteristics which I wish I had. And I think all of them feel somewhat protective of me. Obviously at this point in time, I feel protective of them as well, but that wasn't always the case. When I was younger I thought they were indestructible, so I used to hurt them without really thinking about what I was doing. I never understood why they got angry when I did that, but looking back on it now, it makes sense.
I used to have sword fights with my brothers (we used broom sticks for swords) I always thought that I was better at it than they were, because I used to win more often. Later I realized that I always won because they were fighting with reserve, whereas I fought without a thought for their safety. I hurt them while they were trying to protect me. (As julle hierdie lees, ek is jammer vir al die kere wat ek dit gedoen het. Dit sluit in die Tongvrou, Hoof van die Orde van die Silwer Papawer en sy Army)

That last part is in my native tongue, written for my siblings. Anyway, I got sidetracked a bit there. The application of what I wrote is this; Seeing as we siblings were jammed together in the same house for a long period of time, we were forced into relationships. It wasn't always moonshine, but we got through. At first those relationships developed because of shared interests. What do I mean by shared interests? All of us were dependent on the same pair of people to feed us, clothe us, give us housing etc. We came together because of what I'd like to call a "common giver". Out of our relationships with our parents came our relationships with each other. This principle can be applied to various other types of relationships and how they develop. In my next post I will discuss the development of sibling relationships in more detail as well as the common giver.

Oops, this should have been posted on the 25th of June...

Guys, this should have been posted on the 25th of June. Please read this before you read the previous post.

What Architect said in his comment on the send/receive post is very true. Gratification plays a very big role in what we choose to do with our time. If you do not like doing something, you are more likely to give up on it. On the other hand, if you find something that you like very much and that is quite easy to do, you will spend more time on it. A lot of times this is a form of instant gratification, a disease of our time. We want everything and we want it NOW! Do yourselves a favor and go read Architects post, it fits in quite well with what I have written so far.

Using gratification as a starting point, let's see why we neglect certain relationships and spend too much time on others. If we take the example of studying, it is very often the case that we do not get instant gratification out of our studies. It is tedious and time-consuming, we spend a lot of time studying and we do not see the results we would like to see. Thus we start doing other things in the times we should be behind the books. Computer games, for instance. Anything that is easier than studying and gives instant gratification. We should try to avoid this. That is why we must encourage ourselves to work at the relationships that will give gratification in the long run! Completing your studies and getting a proper job that you enjoy is gratifying beyond that one instant of euphoria when you realize you have outsmarted you opponent in an online game. (Or so I think...) To me, playing Beethoven will be more gratifying than playing twinkle twinkle little star on my violin, but to get there, I must put in a lot of effort and get to know my violin as well as I know myself, even better than I know myself.

I think that one must prioritize one's relationships. Family and friends must come first in my opinion, then work and then play. In my case, I have put play ahead of all of those way too often. There is no balance in playing all the time, actually all that you are doing is wasting time. Instead of doing something constructive that might give you gratification in the long run, I was just squandering away my time for short lived moments of happiness.

Sorry for jumping around like this guys, I am really trying to write in a way that people can follow the flow of thought, but sometimes (most of the times) a comment triggers something in me and I write about the comment in stead of  what I promised to write about. Maybe I should stop saying what I am going to write about next time? That way you don't get too excited about something that often as not, doesn't happen. And you get a surprise every time. "Now what you got to say about that?!"

I walk through this "tunnel" at least ten times a day. Do we pay attention to the things that we see every day? This is just a walk through under a wooden deck, but if you look at something from a slightly different angle than you normally would, you might see something new every day.

Temporarily AFK (Away from keyboard)

Hey guys! I am extremely sorry for my absence from the world of Imagery & Insights into a Day-Dreamers sleeping habits. We have been very busy at Afriski over the last two weeks, so I was just too tired to write at night. That is not an excuse, I know. But sorry anyhow. Maybe I can use this as a prime example of my laziness! Didn't write because I was too tired!? Bah! I must have more self discipline than that, wouldn't you agree? That is how a lot of us act though, when we are too tired we just give up. We shouldn't. No, we MUST NOT!!! Being tired is not an excuse to stop doing the things that we must. Rather cut out on the things you do for fun to do what you must. Work first, then play...

All these tips on laziness and addiction is getting me down. Let's try to get back to why I am writing this in the first place - to sort out my relationship to everything else. In order to do that, we must examine relationships in detail. Not too much detail, mind. Just a bit more detail than we normally would.

Let's go back to the mother/child relationship. I think we can start off here and then move on to other types of relationships. Why do I want to go back to this relationship? Because it is one of the most unavoidable relationships you will ever find. Every single one of us has a mother, whether you love her or hate her, you have her. How will we explore this relationship? Simple, we will look into how it starts off and then how it evolves.
It started off when you were still a fetus in her womb. She fed you, she sheltered you. You fed off of her, you took from her without really giving back. Later on, when you were a baby, you still took from her without giving back - you kept her awake at night, you suckled at her breast, you annoyed her with your crying (I never did that ;p) At first, if we can use the biological term, you were basically a parasite, feeding off your own mother. Only when you grew up a bit did you start giving back. At first only through showing appreciation for what she did. Later on, the relationship probably grew deeper than just a "you feed me, I say thanks" relationship. You started sharing your thoughts and experiences with her, you started drawing her little pictures, gave her flowers and gifts (although the gifts weren't expensive or beautiful, I bet you she still cherished them!). As time progresses, your relationship will change and evolve, as all relationships do. Eventually the roles might swap around altogether. You will be the one looking after her in her old age, when she cannot look after herself anymore. Just like she looked after you when you were too small to look out for yourself.

Thus the circle is continues. Your mom looks after you, you look after her. You look after your child, he looks after you. Your child looks after your grandchild, your grandchild looks after your child...

In my next post I will talk about sibling relationships. They tie in nicely with the mother/child scenario.

Please tell me when if I repeat myself too much or if I start boring you...

It always comes down to this, doesn't it..?
Food food food!!