I had such high hopes for this blog. Truly, I did! Why did I give up on it then? Why did I stop writing? I guess that I became complacent and allowed my circumstances to dictate my actions, instead of keeping a clear head and seeing things through.

Well, here I am again, in the middle of the night, writing to clear my head. (If you've read my blog before, you'll know what I'm talking about). What to say? What to write? It is difficult to come back after three years and just pick up the thread of where I left off and carry on with my train of thought. So for now, I'll just write for the sake of writing and hope against hope that it will help me sleep.

For those of you who haven't read my blog, here is the brief history on the conceptualization of Imagery & Insights on a Day-Dreamer's sleeping habits: I started writing because I was uncertain of a lot of the relationships that I found myself in at the time and this was my way of sorting out for which ones were worth keeping and which ones needed to go out the door. The process helped at first. I managed to see a few relationships for what they were. Bad. These relationships were not only between myself and other human beings - one of my most intimate relationships was with a game! Can you believe it!? For a couple of years I spent more time with that game than with anything else. So I stopped playing it for time and when I was convinced that I could control myself, I started playing again. Luckily I realized early on that the game was controlling me and not the other way around, so I got out for good.
But then I also saw some neglected relationships that needed my attention and a bit of serious work from my side! Some of those relationships are now a very big part of my life, but others saw a brief flicker of rekindled effort and then it faded into the background again only to be dusted off when I was seriously bored or felt a lot of guilt. Writing was one of those and as you can clearly see, I only revert to writing under extreme conditions.
On a serious note, writing's been gnawing at my sub-conscious for quite some time now. Every night for the past two months, just before drifting to sleep I'd say to myself:"Self, it's time to start writing again!". Tonight there was no drifting, only an endless sea of roiling emotions and nauseating unease and voila, a wild blog post appears!

Anyhow, getting back to the past, after getting rid of some of my very nasty relationships I just started replacing them with other nasty relationships and habits. When I first started writing I was so anxious about where I was headed that I wrote on a regular basis and started sorting myself out, but then the anxiety died down a bit and I thought that I was okay. I was making new friends, learning new things about the world and forming new (healthy) relationships. But all the while, my anxiety was still there, albeit a little subdued. I became used to being anxious all the time and allowed that angst to push me into very unhealthy habit-forming situations. I surrounded myself with things and people that could numb the feelings of anxiety and stress, but in the end they could not take it away. When at last I realized this, the anxiety had returned full blast and here I am, gloriously hammering away at my keyboard, telling no-one and everyone that I cannot sleep...
So in essence I am kind of where I was four years ago. The main difference being that I've replaced old bad relationships with new ones. I'm once again on a mission to piece together the mystery that is relationship.

Climb aboard if you wish! Join me on my journey to fulfilling relationships and a proper sleeping pattern. For now, adieu!

A good reflection of how I feel at present.