I had such high hopes for this blog. Truly, I did! Why did I give up on it then? Why did I stop writing? I guess that I became complacent and allowed my circumstances to dictate my actions, instead of keeping a clear head and seeing things through.

Well, here I am again, in the middle of the night, writing to clear my head. (If you've read my blog before, you'll know what I'm talking about). What to say? What to write? It is difficult to come back after three years and just pick up the thread of where I left off and carry on with my train of thought. So for now, I'll just write for the sake of writing and hope against hope that it will help me sleep.

For those of you who haven't read my blog, here is the brief history on the conceptualization of Imagery & Insights on a Day-Dreamer's sleeping habits: I started writing because I was uncertain of a lot of the relationships that I found myself in at the time and this was my way of sorting out for which ones were worth keeping and which ones needed to go out the door. The process helped at first. I managed to see a few relationships for what they were. Bad. These relationships were not only between myself and other human beings - one of my most intimate relationships was with a game! Can you believe it!? For a couple of years I spent more time with that game than with anything else. So I stopped playing it for time and when I was convinced that I could control myself, I started playing again. Luckily I realized early on that the game was controlling me and not the other way around, so I got out for good.
But then I also saw some neglected relationships that needed my attention and a bit of serious work from my side! Some of those relationships are now a very big part of my life, but others saw a brief flicker of rekindled effort and then it faded into the background again only to be dusted off when I was seriously bored or felt a lot of guilt. Writing was one of those and as you can clearly see, I only revert to writing under extreme conditions.
On a serious note, writing's been gnawing at my sub-conscious for quite some time now. Every night for the past two months, just before drifting to sleep I'd say to myself:"Self, it's time to start writing again!". Tonight there was no drifting, only an endless sea of roiling emotions and nauseating unease and voila, a wild blog post appears!

Anyhow, getting back to the past, after getting rid of some of my very nasty relationships I just started replacing them with other nasty relationships and habits. When I first started writing I was so anxious about where I was headed that I wrote on a regular basis and started sorting myself out, but then the anxiety died down a bit and I thought that I was okay. I was making new friends, learning new things about the world and forming new (healthy) relationships. But all the while, my anxiety was still there, albeit a little subdued. I became used to being anxious all the time and allowed that angst to push me into very unhealthy habit-forming situations. I surrounded myself with things and people that could numb the feelings of anxiety and stress, but in the end they could not take it away. When at last I realized this, the anxiety had returned full blast and here I am, gloriously hammering away at my keyboard, telling no-one and everyone that I cannot sleep...
So in essence I am kind of where I was four years ago. The main difference being that I've replaced old bad relationships with new ones. I'm once again on a mission to piece together the mystery that is relationship.

Climb aboard if you wish! Join me on my journey to fulfilling relationships and a proper sleeping pattern. For now, adieu!

A good reflection of how I feel at present. 

What's going on in Venezuela in a nutshell

I saw this video on YouTube today. It is completely unsettling to know that thing like this still happen in the world today. It is very similar to the Tiananmen Square protests back in 1989 - the military killing students who are protesting for their right to speak.



Please pray for the situation in Venezuela. For the people that are fighting for what they believe in and for the government to put a stop to the military activity!

A Quick Photo-update

Milan is the kind of city that made me want to take photo's in sepia. Yes, I was in Milan for a short while. I will tell you about that later, for now I only have time to upload a few quick pictures of my stay. Hope you enjoy looking at them as much as I enjoyed taking them!

Just some random street crossing.

A tranquil spot in the middle of a super busy city.

One of the busiest pedestrian walkways in the city - Corso Vittorio Emanuele II

Look at this picture and tell me what you see...

Frightening Frontiers...

Reflections on a different time and a different place. How often, when we are in one place, do we wish we were somewhere else? And then, when we get to the place we wished to be, we yearn to go back to that which we know?

Icicles clung to the eaves, all the passersby were breathing white mist, gravel crunching beneath their feet. Scarves were wound tight, hands stuck deep into coat pockets, shoulders hunched against the cold.

Into this unfriendly, gray world I stepped with hope around my ankles, dragging me down. As you know, the bus I was supposed to take to Poprad wasn't running anymore. Surrounded by sour, non-English speaking faces, even the bus station Jedi's blessings didn't give me any hope. The task before me was comparatively small, but it felt like I had to move a mountain! All I had to do was convince a bus driver to take me to Poprad.

For those of you who haven't been to the Zakopane bus station, if you walk out the front door, there is a fairly big road in front of you - double lanes going both ways. On both sides of the road you get bus stops, but not in normal style. For about 50 meters the road splits into four lanes in both directions, with the two 50m lanes separated from the street by a curb (once again on both sides). These extra lanes are stuffed to the brim with 16 seat minibuses. Well, not stuffed to the brim exactly, but there were at least 8 small buses on each side of the road. Walking to the closest bus and from there to the next one, and the next one, and the next one asking for help gave me no joy and no outcome. Conversation was the same every time and it was short. It went something like this:

Me: "Poprad?"
Bus driver: "No."

After going through all of the buses present at that time, I still had no way of getting across the border. Needless to say, my anxiety levels were a fair bit higher than normal! Back in front of the station, my eye caught a group of touristy looking people across the road from me. Having absolutely nothing to lose, I walked over to them and asked them If they were going to Poprad. Of course they weren't. What was I thinking? Dejectedly I told them my story, because two of the four could actually speak a fair amount of English. After listening politely they said they couldn't help me. Thus I took my stuff and shuffled back to the station in defeat.

Sitting on a bench, staring vacantly at the potted tree in front of me I didn't see one of the touristy people approaching. She told me that I needed to take my stuff and follow her, their little bus was going to drive almost all the way to the Slovak border, and that the driver knew of a little town in Slovakia from where I might find a bus. Well, when you are drowning you don't consider whether a branch would keep you above water before you grab onto it, you just grab it and hope. So that is what I did! The bus driver couldn't speak any English and all that he kept saying was: "Lysa Polana! Lysa Polana!" when I asked him about Poprad. You've heard of Lysa Polana before, haven't you? At least the people who read my blog regularly should have seen the name before. Yes, it was (is) the little town across the Slovak border that consists of three houses and a liquor store.

After the bus driver dropped me off in the middle of seemingly nowhere and gave me directions to the Slovak border, I took a deep breath and started walking. Apart from the fact that I wasn't sure where I'd sleep that night, the walk was quite pleasant! With a beautiful cliff face on my right and a little river bubbling along on my left. Snow hanging thick from tree branches and no sound apart from the gurgling of the stream, the sound of my suitcase wheels scrapping more than rolling across the road and the crunch of my boots, I felt almost at peace. Eventually I came to a narrow bridge crossing the stream, and there, on the other side of the bridge on a big blue notice board was the emblem of the European Union with one word written beneath it: Slovakia

The smaller sign next to the blue one read "Lysa Polana". I had made it. I was in Slovakia!

Pulling my suitcase up the steps to the liquor store alerted the shop keeper to my presence, and he came out to greet me, in Slovak. Haha, I greeted him in English and told him my story, in broken English he said that I could wait inside his shop until the bus to Poprad arrived. Gratefully I sank into a chair in front of a small television, showing a news reporter blurt out something about a place in Greece. Not long after I got seated the kind shopkeeper told me that the bus had arrived, and took my suitcase outside. I thanked him profusely and got on the bus to Poprad. My troubles were over, or so it seemed...

It only started up again a couple of days after the arrogant youth rejoiced in the kind strangers failure, though. So I guess I have to come back to that incident before I carry on with my story. Hopefully next time I'll be able to share a few tidbits about human nature and what makes us rejoice in another's failure.

For now, stay calm and read on...

The Bus-station Jedi

As promised, I bring to you the Bus station Jedi! I know that I called him the train station Jedi in a previous post, but he isn't. He doesn't even work on a train station, so why would I have called him that? I must have been more tired than I thought...

You'll remember that I've been walking in circles around the bus station in Zakopane, trying to decide in which direction I had to walk to reach Top Hostel Zakopane (the place where I was supposed to sleep). Thank goodness I went back into the station, otherwise I would have walked in the complete opposite direction from where I actually needed to go! Anyway, let's get to the point...

Back in the bus station I walked up to the news stand and asked the gentleman behind the counter if he could help me with directions. To my greatest delight and amazement, he spoke fluent English! Immediately dampening my spirit, he told me that he didn't have the faintest idea of where this hostel might be, but that he could help me to install a new sim card in my mobile phone so that I could phone the place and find out where they are located. Reluctant to spend money I thought of just trying my luck and ask around, but soon found out that my luck wasn't in. No-one around the station could speak English. Can you believe it? So I went back to the man in charge of the little newspaper shop and bought a sim card. Thus our strange friendship began.

After putting it in my phone he explained, step by step, how to activate my new number, how to buy credit, how to access the internet and so forth. He was very kind and very helpful, explaining to me that he didn't use the operating system that I just subscribed to, but that a friend of his is also a subscriber to Orange (operating system). After we struggled with my phone for a bit he asked me where I was going and where I came from, so I told him. He was very interested in South Africa and what's more, he actually knew something of our culture and geography (courtesy of the 2010 soccer world cup)! Being polite, I asked him where he was from and where he was going. Turns out he was born in Zakopane and that he would only be going home in the early morning hours. We went back to struggling with my phone again. Growing tired and losing hope, he sent his friend a message, the one I mentioned earlier. While waiting for his friend to reply, the gentleman told me about the dog that he had found next to the road nine years ago. He still has the dog and loves the dog a lot! So I told him about the time my dad found a dog cowering under his car and how my dad coaxed the dog out from under the car and into our back yard, where he lived on for another twelve years.

Sorry for all of the boring stories, but I have to set the scene for what's to come. It will blow your mind! Hehe, after the dog stories we sorted out my phone and I was ready to leave, but the newspaper man had other plans! Shame, I think it can be very lonely, working night shift in a small, near abandoned station, so I humored him. With pride he told me how he taught himself to speak English by means of gospel music. Truth be told, I was stunned - throughout my journey I  was constantly praying for help, and here comes this man who could speak English because of gospel music. Coincidence..? I told him how God had answered my prayers through him and this is where it got strange. He told me that everything is connected by the Force, and that if you do something good to someone the Force will balance it out by having someone do something good to or for you.
"What about God," I asked him.
"Yes, we are like God's last Jedi's on earth, people like you and me!" was his answer. "We are here to combat the dark forces. There are too many people who will offer you help and then take your stuff. They are the Sith lords and there are too many of them." These were his exact words. "God is using us to combat the Sith, but they are slowly taking over. When the world is dark, Jesus will come back to take the last Jedi away!"
I really didn't know how to respond. How do you respond to that? Not knowing what to say, I said thank you for the help and the talk and left the bus station. With my new caller ID I phoned the hostel and got the directions.

The next day, after a good nights rest and a breakfast consisting of bread, cheese and jams, I went out to look at Zakopane. Having done my window-shopping I made my way back to the bus station. On arrival I found out that the bus I was supposed to take to Poprad has been cancelled, because I was the only passenger. Needless to say, I didn't take this news too well! In the middle of a non English town with nowhere to go, I went back to the newspaper stand, and guess what!? Yes, the Jedi was there. I told him about my predicament and he told me not to worry, he would help me. So he closed his shop and walked over to the ticket office. After a heated discussion in Polish he came back and told me that there would be no bus to Poprad in the following days either, that I had to physically go outside and ask the bus drivers, one by one, if any one of them might be willing to take me to Poprad. Despair was upon me! How on earth was I going to convince a Polish bus driver to take me to Slovakia!?
"Don't worry my friend," the Jedi man said, "God is with you and the Force will help you. Remember we are some of the last Jedi, you and I." With that he walked back to his shop and never looked at me again.

I still don't know what to make of him. Such a funny character! But without him I don't know where I would be now...

How did I get to Poprad? Well, that is a story for another day. For now, take care of yourselves and remember, the Force is with you! :p

A church in Zakopane

Stalling for time

This is where I went to bed a couple of nights ago. How 'bout that?

The approach...

Yes, yes, I know this is not a Jedi on some small station in the middle of Europe! Sorry, I know that I tend to get side-tracked, but you must understand, at the moment I am living/writing in the past, the present and the future. Partly the reason for this blog. I am looking for a way to fuse past, present and future. Please bear with me...

I think I owe you an explanation: My room-mate convinced me to join him and a friend of his for a hike in the mountains above Tatranska Lomnica.

The pictures below will tell you the story.

When I saw the hut I was both surprised and excited. This called for a celebration!

The morning after.

We three hikers!

Solitude

Usually this would have been covered by snow. Apparently February is heart of a European winter. Not this year...

The White Lake, apt name.

Fooling around :p

To all of my readers, you will have your story concerning the Zakopane station Jedi by this time tomorrow. I promise.

A Sneak Peak, if you will...

This is just to whet your appetite. A toilet and an air-vent in one. No one can accuse the Poles of over spending on their inter city railway lines...

In the next episode: A very interesting theological discussion, a new friend becoming an old friend, an old friend revisited and cold feet. Stay tuned.

The Almost-Finger Fiasco...

I know I promised to continue with the story of the arrogant young man and the kindhearted, older man who failed, and I will, just not in this post. Why? It is simple; I am not quite sure why people enjoy other people's failure and humiliation. Sure, I have a couple of thoughts about it, but not enough to write comprehensively about the situation. All I know is that when I think back on the incident, I get angry! So let's try something else today...

Today I just want to tell you a bit more about my travels. I hope this does not upset you or annoy you, and if it does, too bad. I am going to do it anyway! ;p

You see the thing is, not all people are angry and arrogant all the time! There are some really friendly people out there. People without who's help I wouldn't be here right now. Do you want to know about them? I will tell you, without naming names or showing faces, just describing towns and places. The first stop was Dubai International Airport. Going through all of the security checks was fairly routine, nothing to declare and nothing to hide. After a 3 hour stopover I was back in the air, heading to Frederick Chopin Airport, Warsaw, Poland. Over there things were a bit tense. The customs officer at the desk where I had to get my passport stamped wasn't exactly the friendliest or most trustworthy of people. He told the woman in front of me to go and wait at the back of the cue, seeing as there was something wrong with her visa. I wonder what happened to her and her son (about 5 years old)...

When I handed him my passport, he scanned it and checked it on the computer. And checked it on the computer, and checked it on the computer... I started to wonder if I'd join the woman and her son in the back of the cue. At last he asked me to put my fingers on a little fingerprint scanner.

Thumb.
Index finger.
Middle finger.
Ring finger.
Little finger.

He looked at his computer screen. He looked at my visa. He looked at me. He looked at his computer screen. He looked at my visa. He looked at me. Thus the cycle continued until I, with as most self assurance as I could muster, asked, "is something wrong, officer?"
"Yes. I don't find your visa in the computer." His terrifying answer came.
My heart sank to the bottom of my shoe soles, but I kept a calm face. "That is strange," I said.
"How long are you coming to Europe?"
"Three months." Once again confidence personified.
"Three months!?" He asked incredulously. "What are you going to do in Europe for three months!?"
So I told him. Luckily I had a very good plan in mind and a very good picture of Europe, so I explained to him exactly where I was going, how I was going to get there and the activities I would do at each destination. So after a while he said, "Okay," shrugged his shoulders and stamped my passport.
Man was I glad! With a last pitying look over my shoulder, I walked through border control and into Europe.

**Interlude**

This might be a long post, so go and get yourself a cup of coffee and a nice biscuit, settle in and enjoy!

**Ladies and gentlemen, the break is over. Kindly return to your seats. Thank you**

Once I claimed my luggage from a very slow baggage carousel, I headed to the ticket office. The lady behind the desk told me to go to the counter next door. The next door counter told me to go to the lady behind the desk. Yes, I was confused. No I did not break down and cry, although I kinda felt like it. To make a long story short, I got a train ticket to Warsaw Central station from the lady behind the desk. The train ride to Warsaw Central was uneventful and went by quickly. On the central station I met a very kind old man, the first kind man since setting foot in Poland! Without his help I might still have been on Warsaw Central! He spoke broken English to me and Polish to the woman behind the bulletproof glass ticket window (I thought they only had those in Africa). With the old mans help, I got on a train to Krakow without too much hassle. I thanked him profusely and went on my merry way when he started asking me questions in Polish. It felt bad, leaving him after he had helped me, but I had a train to catch! 

On the train they gave me some free apple juice and a wafer-like biscuit. Just out of curiosity, how many of you have been on the Polish railway lines? There must be a lot of human waste on those railways, seeing as the toilets doesn't have a flush system - it has a hole. You can see the ground speeding past under the train while you are urinating (if you are male). Imagine what that would feel like if you suffer from severe vertigo!?

From Krakow I had to catch a bus to Zakopane (can you believe that my spellchecker tried to change Zakopane to "pancake"!?), and that folks, is why you should write without using a spell-check program. Just learn how to spell, okay!? 

Where was I? Oh yes, Zakopane. After walking up and down on the Krakow station, I eventually found myself in the bus terminal. The sky was getting dark outside and the temperature was dropping. Time was running out! Or so I thought... When I looked at my watch it was only 4 o'clock in the afternoon. Coming from Africa, I wasn't really used to the sun setting so early (I'm still not). When I eventually reached Zakopane I didn't have the faintest Idea of where to go. I had a reservation at a hostel close to the station, but didn't have a clue in which direction I had to walk to get there! Slowly I ventured out into the night with a massive suitcase, a backpack and a camera bag. Looking like a proper tourist! After a few circles around the station I decided to go back inside and ask for help. 

The person I asked turned out to be one of the friendliest people I have ever met. He also has a very strange brand of religion - Christianity mixed with the Force from Star Wars. Yes. He has this strange notion that he is one of the last Jedi and that he is working for Christ! Hehehee...

That is enough for now. 

**Coming soon - The train-station Jedi** 

Right now my little finger (the one I had to put on the fingerprint scanner) is cramping very badly. Sorry for this abrupt end to the conversation, but it really hurts...

Have a great time, until next we meet!

Me and Vi, playing with a camera and a lighter. Pretty cool, huh?

My own Bedtime story

I do not have a lot to write about today, I just want to calm myself and get rid of some bad emotions before I go to bed. Writing normally helps me to do so, thus this small post.

When I started this blog, I was in a small mountain resort in Lesotho, Africa. At the moment I am writing from an apartment in Tatranska Lomnica, Slovakia, Europe. The two countries are fairly far apart - about 9000 kilometers if you make a direct line between the two. By car the fastest route would take you approximately 180 hours to get from point A to point B. That is only 7 and a half days. (Imagine living in a time where there was no cars?!) Introducing the Airbus a380! - It took me 33 hours to get from my house in South Africa to where I am now, excluding the two days I spent at a friends house along the way. Including stop overs, train rides, bus rides and a refreshing yet tense walk from a small bus stop in Poland to a 3 house town in Slovakia.

Okay okay, I am sure you get the picture. I am far from where I was when this exploration into relationships started. Both in physical and spiritual terms. Even-though I did not write continuously on this blog, I did think about human nature and relationships a lot. And by that I mean all of the time! Starting this blog really helped me to see a lot of things in perspective. For that I am grateful!

Coming back to the distance between now and then, almost everything in my surroundings have changed. The landscape looks different, the food is different, the language differs. The list goes on and on. There is one thing that did not change. One very sad thing. People. We are cruel and unforgiving, wherever we are and whoever we are. Whether we are black and tend goats for a living or white and tend bank accounts for a living. Last night I saw a young man, arrogant in his own ability, rejoice at someone else's failure. This young man did not know the person who failed, he didn't understand his circumstances and he didn't care about his circumstances. What's even worse, the person who failed didn't even compete against the young man. Not so long ago, I was that young man. It sickens me to think that I enjoyed other people's loss for no apparent reason. Only, there must be a reason, won't you agree..?

Let's talk about that some other time, okay? I am feeling quite relaxed right now - Mission Accomplished - therefore I am off to bed. Sleep well all ye readers! Or in case you are starting your day with this blog post, have a lovely day filled with Love and Peace (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7AHcg8t2Tk)

It is the small details in life that make it worth living. What do you see here?

Sludge-cake Icing.

Sitting in front of a computer. Alone, at a time when most people are asleep, I realized that I have a problem. In some areas of my life, I progress in leaps and bounds! Other areas, however, are pits of sludge, sucking me in, pulling me under, threatening to drown me.

Well, you guessed it folks - We're talking about relationships!

They say that time and distance heals everything, but in my opinion, it doesn't. It only puts a shine on the problem. You will think less and less about a problem the farther you are from it, but as soon as you come close, you realize that it is still there. Time is like a painter and distance the paint, to complete the analogy, we can style the problem as a crumbling wall. So, along comes the painter and he paints the wall. It looks great from afar, but once you start to inspect the wall, you can see that it is still crumbling.

You are probably wondering where this time/distance/paint thing fits into the scheme of things? So am I...
Haha, just kidding! I have problems that needs to be solved and I haven't really been paying attention to them. Every now and again they bubble to the surface and every time they do, they seem larger and more ominous.

Some of my friends make me sad. (Friends are not confined to the "humans only" category). These friends tend to make my life difficult by not wanting to get along with each other. What should I do? Try to be a mediator between the two parties or just leave it and let nature run it's course? Pick one over the other? Try to please them both, ignore them both? Aarghhh!!! I do not know what to do or how to do it, yet something must be done! In some cases it is easier to decide what to do, because society dictates that one of the relationships is way more important than the other. But in other cases it is not that clear. What if both parties are very important to me and both parties are wrong, how should I deal with that? Just put a stop to both relationships?

I guess what I need to figure out is this: Do I try to repair the wall or do I break it down and rebuild it?

Speaking of walls, look at all these marvelously put together walls! 

Back. Again...

I've been meaning to write for such a very long time now. However, meaning to do something and doing it is not the same. Good intentions are very well, but without application intent is about as useful as a shattered wine glass.

That is one of my greatest problems, I have all these very grand ideas in my head, but I rarely do anything about it!

For example, starting a blog to help myself act out some of my ideas was a good idea. And it worked for a while! until I stopped writing...

The reason that I stopped writing, you would like to know, is because I got lax and lazy. I was, after the first few weeks of being alone and unhappy, enjoying myself way too much in Lesotho to think about any of my future plans or for that matter, of my plans with this blog. Having come back down to earth after an amazing three months filled with snow, sunshine, beaches, festivals, food, drink and lots of interesting people, I realized that I still need to do something with my life. Something other than seeking my own pleasure and improving my skills.

I realized that I still need to work at relationships.

With the realization came some insight into my own way of handling problems. Mostly I don't handle them, I run away from them. I find other things to fill my time and other places to feed my imagination. Thus avoiding old problems and sometimes creating new ones.
What to do now? Keep running, keep on creating new problems? No. Keep writing. In writing I find that I come to startling conclusions about myself, my relation to the world, and the world and it's relation to me.

So, I will continue the work that I have begun here. I will persevere until the end, for clearly there is a lot of writing that still needs to be done.
With the writing will come new topics to write about and new problems to solve, new horizons to discover and new skills to master. But it will also bring me face to face with some very old problems of mine.

It is my intention and hope that I will be able to sort out my past, be content with my present and look forward to a future filled with adventure and companionship.

What a beautiful addition to our garden, this table that my dad built with his own hands.

And then there was two (or four)...

A bit of experimental photography at a night session in the snow park here at Afriski. 

Wow, I am really a very bad example of self-discipline. It's funny, when I am enjoying myself it is more difficult to write than when I am unhappy. I wonder why...

As Mia commented on the mother/child relationship, not every mother looks after her child and not every child looks after his parents when they are old and unable to fend for themselves. That is very true. We live in a broken world where relationships are far from perfect. That is why I am writing though, to try and figure out how relationships should be. I think I have said this before, even when your mom doesn't look after you and you despise her, you still live in relation to her. A great deal of what you are comes from the way your mother treated you. You will always live in light of the fact that your mother was not there for you, whether you do better by your children or do the same.

More on mothers later. Let's see what happened when you got a sibling. Out of a selfish point of view, you lose some of the attention that you received on a daily basis. At first your mom only had to take care of your needs, but now you have a brother/sister so it is just logical that she will divide her attention between the two of you. At first she will most probably give more attention to the newcomer, seeing as he/she can't do anything for themselves. It is natural that you will become jealous of your sibling at this stage. Hopefully, as your sibling grows older, your mother will give both of you the same amount of attention. That attention might differ though, seeing as you and your sibling will have different needs. This might also lead to jealousy on both parts, one sibling might think that the mother is putting the other siblings needs ahead of his/her own needs. Once again, hopefully this will work itself out. Relationships based on jealousy is never a good idea. It tends to turn messy and hurtful.
In all of this we have only looked at the fluctuations in your relationship with your mother. But there is also a new development here. Your relationship with your sibling. If you are the older one, you might have a kind of protective attitude towards the younger one. The younger one might have a sort of respect/adoration for the older one. Or at least, that is how it was in my case. I have 3 older siblings and for all of them I have the deepest respect and love. In each of them I see characteristics which I wish I had. And I think all of them feel somewhat protective of me. Obviously at this point in time, I feel protective of them as well, but that wasn't always the case. When I was younger I thought they were indestructible, so I used to hurt them without really thinking about what I was doing. I never understood why they got angry when I did that, but looking back on it now, it makes sense.
I used to have sword fights with my brothers (we used broom sticks for swords) I always thought that I was better at it than they were, because I used to win more often. Later I realized that I always won because they were fighting with reserve, whereas I fought without a thought for their safety. I hurt them while they were trying to protect me. (As julle hierdie lees, ek is jammer vir al die kere wat ek dit gedoen het. Dit sluit in die Tongvrou, Hoof van die Orde van die Silwer Papawer en sy Army)

That last part is in my native tongue, written for my siblings. Anyway, I got sidetracked a bit there. The application of what I wrote is this; Seeing as we siblings were jammed together in the same house for a long period of time, we were forced into relationships. It wasn't always moonshine, but we got through. At first those relationships developed because of shared interests. What do I mean by shared interests? All of us were dependent on the same pair of people to feed us, clothe us, give us housing etc. We came together because of what I'd like to call a "common giver". Out of our relationships with our parents came our relationships with each other. This principle can be applied to various other types of relationships and how they develop. In my next post I will discuss the development of sibling relationships in more detail as well as the common giver.

Oops, this should have been posted on the 25th of June...

Guys, this should have been posted on the 25th of June. Please read this before you read the previous post.

What Architect said in his comment on the send/receive post is very true. Gratification plays a very big role in what we choose to do with our time. If you do not like doing something, you are more likely to give up on it. On the other hand, if you find something that you like very much and that is quite easy to do, you will spend more time on it. A lot of times this is a form of instant gratification, a disease of our time. We want everything and we want it NOW! Do yourselves a favor and go read Architects post, it fits in quite well with what I have written so far.

Using gratification as a starting point, let's see why we neglect certain relationships and spend too much time on others. If we take the example of studying, it is very often the case that we do not get instant gratification out of our studies. It is tedious and time-consuming, we spend a lot of time studying and we do not see the results we would like to see. Thus we start doing other things in the times we should be behind the books. Computer games, for instance. Anything that is easier than studying and gives instant gratification. We should try to avoid this. That is why we must encourage ourselves to work at the relationships that will give gratification in the long run! Completing your studies and getting a proper job that you enjoy is gratifying beyond that one instant of euphoria when you realize you have outsmarted you opponent in an online game. (Or so I think...) To me, playing Beethoven will be more gratifying than playing twinkle twinkle little star on my violin, but to get there, I must put in a lot of effort and get to know my violin as well as I know myself, even better than I know myself.

I think that one must prioritize one's relationships. Family and friends must come first in my opinion, then work and then play. In my case, I have put play ahead of all of those way too often. There is no balance in playing all the time, actually all that you are doing is wasting time. Instead of doing something constructive that might give you gratification in the long run, I was just squandering away my time for short lived moments of happiness.

Sorry for jumping around like this guys, I am really trying to write in a way that people can follow the flow of thought, but sometimes (most of the times) a comment triggers something in me and I write about the comment in stead of  what I promised to write about. Maybe I should stop saying what I am going to write about next time? That way you don't get too excited about something that often as not, doesn't happen. And you get a surprise every time. "Now what you got to say about that?!"

I walk through this "tunnel" at least ten times a day. Do we pay attention to the things that we see every day? This is just a walk through under a wooden deck, but if you look at something from a slightly different angle than you normally would, you might see something new every day.

Temporarily AFK (Away from keyboard)

Hey guys! I am extremely sorry for my absence from the world of Imagery & Insights into a Day-Dreamers sleeping habits. We have been very busy at Afriski over the last two weeks, so I was just too tired to write at night. That is not an excuse, I know. But sorry anyhow. Maybe I can use this as a prime example of my laziness! Didn't write because I was too tired!? Bah! I must have more self discipline than that, wouldn't you agree? That is how a lot of us act though, when we are too tired we just give up. We shouldn't. No, we MUST NOT!!! Being tired is not an excuse to stop doing the things that we must. Rather cut out on the things you do for fun to do what you must. Work first, then play...

All these tips on laziness and addiction is getting me down. Let's try to get back to why I am writing this in the first place - to sort out my relationship to everything else. In order to do that, we must examine relationships in detail. Not too much detail, mind. Just a bit more detail than we normally would.

Let's go back to the mother/child relationship. I think we can start off here and then move on to other types of relationships. Why do I want to go back to this relationship? Because it is one of the most unavoidable relationships you will ever find. Every single one of us has a mother, whether you love her or hate her, you have her. How will we explore this relationship? Simple, we will look into how it starts off and then how it evolves.
It started off when you were still a fetus in her womb. She fed you, she sheltered you. You fed off of her, you took from her without really giving back. Later on, when you were a baby, you still took from her without giving back - you kept her awake at night, you suckled at her breast, you annoyed her with your crying (I never did that ;p) At first, if we can use the biological term, you were basically a parasite, feeding off your own mother. Only when you grew up a bit did you start giving back. At first only through showing appreciation for what she did. Later on, the relationship probably grew deeper than just a "you feed me, I say thanks" relationship. You started sharing your thoughts and experiences with her, you started drawing her little pictures, gave her flowers and gifts (although the gifts weren't expensive or beautiful, I bet you she still cherished them!). As time progresses, your relationship will change and evolve, as all relationships do. Eventually the roles might swap around altogether. You will be the one looking after her in her old age, when she cannot look after herself anymore. Just like she looked after you when you were too small to look out for yourself.

Thus the circle is continues. Your mom looks after you, you look after her. You look after your child, he looks after you. Your child looks after your grandchild, your grandchild looks after your child...

In my next post I will talk about sibling relationships. They tie in nicely with the mother/child scenario.

Please tell me when if I repeat myself too much or if I start boring you...

It always comes down to this, doesn't it..?
Food food food!!

One step at a time

This was done in the middle of the night, when I should have been sleeping...

Fighting laziness is more than just making a decision and sticking to it. Do you know why? Because making a decision and sticking to it is more difficult than it sounds. Therefore I suggest that we try to figure out how to stick to a decision, once made. 

First we need to find out why we are lazy. Are we just born lazy, like Martin said, or is there something more to it? I think in my case there is something more to it, yes I have always been lazy, but in some areas I am more lazy than in others. Why is that? There are two causes that I have identified so far... 

• The first one is this: If I find that I can do something to a reasonably acceptable degree, I do not work at it. For some reason I am satisfied with doing well at beginner level, but never taking it further. Let's use my violin playing skills as an example - when I started out I did very well with my first examinations. Then, when it got more difficult, I simply gave up. Why? Because I was being lazy! I enjoyed sounding good (as beginner) without practice. Therefore I wanted to keep on playing without practice. Needless to say, my relationship with my violin isn't nearly where it could have been, if I had worked at it. I want to make it public now. I WILL get my violin up to standard, even if it takes me twenty years to do it. I will play Vivaldi, Tchaikovsky, Brahms, Beethoven and all the others. Even if it is only for my grandchildren
• The second reason is that I always find excuses to do other things instead of doing what matters. I usually take something that is not difficult to master and focus all of my attention on that. The problem with this is that it is more than likely that the thing I am working at has no real value in relation to the thing I should be concentrating on. We can use playing computer games as thee prime example in my life. I have spent more hours playing online games in the last year than I have spent on any other relationship (human or inanimate) . I think it is safe to say that I spent more time playing a specific game than I did sleeping. Replacing what is important with some senseless relationship is a form of laziness and it is definitely a form of addiction. So here we deal with two problems at the same time. Everything in your life is truly entwined. 

Now that I know some of the reasons for being lazy, it is already easier to fight laziness. But just knowing is not enough! We have to do something about that knowledge. Take small steps in the beginning of your campaign against laziness, otherwise you will overwhelm yourself and just fall back into being lazy. 

How do we take those small steps? What is a small step and what is a big step? 

Small step: Pick up the violin and do scales

Big step: Pick up the violin and try playing Mendelssohn's violin concerto

If you start of by trying the concerto, you will frustrate yourself and put the violin away in disgust (believe me, I know). If you play scales, you will at least hear an improvement in the sound you produce. Playing scales once isn't enough though. We need to do it consistently, on a day to day basis. That is where the difficulties starts creeping in. How do you keep yourself motivated to keep on keeping on? This is where I struggle a lot! I'm not afraid to start something, but once I get the hang of something I usually set it aside. or when I do not get the hang of it easily, I shove it very far away!

Ugh, I get sidetracked way too easily! Keeping yourself motivated. Right. Set up a roster or a time-sheet. Put it where everyone in the house can see it. Follow it strictly, otherwise there is no point in making it. Why put it up where everyone can see it? So that the other people in the house can encourage you to do your thing, duh!! 

So that is one small pointer on how to overcome laziness, in my next post I will add a few more of those, and I will try to address the addiction factor as well. 

PS - I boarded today. It was a lot of fun! This crazy Dutch instructor helped me to correct my balance and to put rhythm in my turns. I still look a bit awkward, But I fell only once during the two and a half hours I spent riding. That's progress right there!! :D 

send/receive

Wow, I had an amazing day today! It was my off day, so I spent the entire day skiing. With two of the resorts' ski instructors giving me tips and helping me out, I am now very competent on my ski's! It was so much fun! When they weren't coaching me, I was listening to my favorite composers through my iPod - Beethoven, Brahms, Tchaikovsky... Have you listened to their violin concertos? If not, I suggest that you do so now.

(Close to three hours later, if you did as I said...)

Why did I ski today, instead of snowboarding? Because I felt like it! I am way more comfortable on ski's (mainly because I have skied before) but that is neither here nor there. The fact is that I was tired and not at all in the mood for falling down, so I made the easy choice. I think that is one of my greatest problems, I always choose the easy way out. In other words, I'm lazy. Do I have to work at not being lazy? Absolutely! But how..?

In the case of working with your own faults and failures, it is also a matter of sending and receiving. Or let's call it giving and receiving, shall we? Happy now, Martin? ;p
You have to give some of your time, some of your effort, some of your energy in order to improve that certain aspect of yourself that you are not happy with. The difference between self improvement and inter human relationships is fairly obvious, but for those of you who can't see it yet, let me explain: In one you give to someone else and receive from someone else, in the other you give to yourself and thus receive from yourself. Does it make sense? Dealing with yourself and your problems is as unavoidable a relationship as any of the others. Why do we need to work at certain characteristics though? If there is an easier way, why not just take it? Sometimes we need to do hard things in order for us to grow. At the time of doing it you might not like it or enjoy it, but in the long run it will definitely benefit you. That is the receiving part. You give time and energy, but when all is said and done, you will look back with no regrets, with only self satisfaction.

Still the question remains, how do I overcome being lazy? Is it as simple as telling myself not to be lazy and to make an active effort to keep working at whatever it is that I have to work at? In some cases it is easy, like with snowboarding. Just because I didn't feel like boarding today doesn't mean that I will stop altogether, it is just too much fun! But in other things it is more difficult. Like for instance my studies or reading a book that is very boring or slow. I think I just need to force myself into doing those necessary things that I do not like. Do you have tips for me?

My shadow in relation to the ski slope. The ski slope in relation to the rest of the valley. Consider; if you go down in a straight line you move very very fast, if you make turns across the face of the slope, you move at a more controlled pace. I have to place myself in relation to all the factors at play before I go down the slope, otherwise I might hurt myself. In inter human relationships we have to do the same, otherwise we can hurt ourselves, but more importantly, others...

Back to Basics

Ok, let's try to get back to the original plan. Let me try to continue my description of relationships. I got sidetracked by Martins comments and then by my own thoughts. Sorry about that.

I want to go into more detail regarding the interaction in a relationship. For now I will focus on our relationships with other humans.

In our inter human relationships (relationships between humans) there are two basic types of interaction. Giving and receiving. Both parties of the relationship does both, but one party might do it to a greater or lesser extent. The following diagram shows the basic interaction between humans X and Y:

From the diagram you can see that the two subjects of our study will receive the amount of attention equal to the amount of attention sent from one to the other. Thus we can simplify the diagram to the following:

In this relationship we can see clearly that person X has a greater interest in the relationship than person Y. He gives more to the relationship and receives less than person Y does. In time the balance may shift as the relationship evolves or the relationship may slowly erode away as person X realizes that person Y  isn't interested in the relationship anymore. Inter human relationships are dynamic and needs input from both parties if it is to grow.

In my next session I will look into our unavoidable relationships and how they grow.

Addicted to addiction

There are those who have addictive personalities.

I am one of those.

You will have to forgive me for this sudden change of topic, but I have to write what is in my heart. At the moment my heart is full of addiction, or shall we say, anti-addiction. As you would have seen by now, I am writing this blog in order to set my relationships straight. If I am addicted to something or someone, there will certainly be unbalance in my various relationships, would you agree? On the other hand, is there such a thing as a "good" addiction?

Before we can answer that, let's look at the word "addiction". Addiction usually goes hand in hand with substance abuse. According to the people that know what they are talking about, there are two types of addiction. Physical addiction and psychological addiction. Physical addiction is more often associated with drug or alcohol abuse - Once your body gets used to having that drug in its system or that amount of alcohol in the bloodstream, it becomes addicted. The body compensates for the intrusive element and thus changes some of it's functions. If you take the drug away now, the body will malfunction for a while, until it can reset itself to run without the intrusive element. So yes, in some cases people really do get physical symptoms of withdrawal. I know this is a very short and basic explanation of how the body gets addicted, but I am not here to give you an education in physiology.

Psychological addiction is a part of physical addiction, but it can be put into a category of its own - Usually addiction starts out because you are looking for some kind of stress relief (this is the case with both physical and psychological addiction). The substance is not always as important as the addiction itself. What is important to the mindset of someone with an addictive personality is that he or she is actually addicted to something, anything RIGHT NOW!! Whether it be a game, a person or a drug does not matter, as long as the addiction is there. As long as the relief mechanism is in place.

Is it wrong to have a mechanism to help relieve stress? Not at all! But being addicted to that mechanism is wrong. The word addiction has a negative connotation. It means that you are enslaved to a certain habit or substance. People who are addicted tend to let the addiction take over all of their relationships. They cannot think of anything but the addiction, they cannot talk of anything but the addiction. When they are at work, they aren't focused on their jobs, but on getting through the day so that they can spend time on their addiction (except if work is their addiction, of course). Addiction creeps in wherever it can find a foothold. It can ruin marriages, friendships, careers and much more. Addiction can ruin your chance of doing something with your talents (ask me, I know...)
People also get symptoms of withdrawal when they do not have a psychological addiction. But this is all in the mind, as my eldest brother would say: "Psychosomatic." ;p

How do you break your addiction to being addicted? To be honest, I do not know. Mostly people who have a problem with addiction will identify and fight one addiction just to replace it with another. But let's see if we can get a permanent solution. I have a few ideas. First off, identify the addiction. Be honest and open with yourself and admit that you have a tendency to become enslaved by substances, people or activities quite easily. Now, if you have identified the addiction, cut it out. If it is a game, throw it away. If it is alcohol, stay away from bars, bottle stores, parties, all that stuff. If it's people or certain kinds of relationships, stop looking for that type of person. DO NOT TEMPT YOURSELF! YOU WILL FAIL!!
When the withdrawal comes, and it will come, harden up. Don't give in to your mind playing tricks on you!

Maybe there is another answer? What if there was such a thing as positive addiction? The problem here is, you are still addicted. You are still enslaved. But that doesn't have to be a problem. If you do it for the right reasons, and do right by it, isn't it worth the enslavement? Now you will ask me, what on this earthly ball can be classified as "positive addiction"? Once again I do not know. There is something not from here that might be worth your while. Supernatural addiction. God. Have you thought about that, about Him?


PS - Thanks for those who took part in my experiment. From the comments I see that we all have the same idea regarding Japan, but from there our points of view differ quite a bit. What you saw there, is the wrapping paper of a red velvet cupcake. A square piece of white paper with eight smears of baked red dough on it. The red circle in the middle is obviously the bottom part of the cupcake.

Something on Imagery

I just want to mention, all of the photographs displayed in this blog was taken by myself. Paying attention to them will show you how I see the world. It might help you to understand my writing.

Where was I..?

I'm ok, I'm ok! It was only the geyser the blew up in the loft, nothing spectacular (apart from the sound of the explosion).

So, where was I? Oh yeah, getting hurt in relationships. My viewpoint is that, no matter what you do or how you do it, you will get hurt in any relationship you are in. Does this mean we have to stop working at relationships? Does it mean we have to steer clear of relationships? Absolutely not! We cannot stay away from them, they are what makes us human. If we isolated ourselves to the point of having no relationships whatsoever, we would be nothing more than the specs of dust floating around in the air. Not to mention we would be dead very soon after we achieved being relationship-less.

If getting hurt is inevitable, what do we do then? This is where Martins comment comes in (it almost looks like he wants to take over my blog! ;p) He said two important things; communication and the cultivation of an "open" relationship. Naturally the two goes hand in hand, we cannot have an open relationship if we do not communicate properly. I'd go so far as to say that communication is the most important aspect of human interaction. We communicate in various ways, but that is for a later discussion.

Why is communication so important? Because if we do not communicate what we expect of the second party in the relationship, they will act on their own impulses and do things that might hurt you without even knowing they are hurting you. Each one of us sees things differently, so we cannot expect to be treated in the way we want without voicing it first. It can be the simplest of things that we see in a different light, but a lot of small things can mount up to become a huge issue!
Let's do a test to see how each one of us differs from one person to the next, shall we? I'm going to post a picture without any description. I want you guys to describe it for me. Can you do that? Just look at the picture and leave a comment with your description in 100 words or less. Please do not look at the other peoples comments before you post your description, ok?

If we all see things from another perspective, isn't it obvious that we will hurt one another?

What  Mia said is also correct. Part of being human is dying. Doesn't it make sense then, that some of our relationships will die? That some relationships, no matter how how important to us, will fail? This is also why we need to put ourselves into perspective. This is why we need to sort out what is important, and what is trivial. We need to cut out the wrong kinds of relationships and work hard at the ones that have meaning and value.